Indulge Decor Blog

Not-So-Cordially-Invited: Party Crashing

 

Indulge

 

Party crashing is defined as the act of attending an invite-only event without invitation. 

The term "party crash" dates back to the 1920s with the end of the prohibition era and the ushering in of flappers and the roaring 20's philosophy of pleasure.

 

Now, there's been a lot of talk about party crashing of late - remember those "tacky" Salahis who crashed the White House State Dinner last month?

 

 
 

Sure, it's in poor taste to crash a party at The White House - but you have to admit it takes guts. Secret service, a list, important politicians, bodyguards... you have to give them credit for their courage (or maybe it was just shameless fame-mongering?).

 

        

   
Ahem.
 

It's probably also in poor taste to "crash" things like weddings (despite the popularity of the movie), funerals, a bris, or anything else that's personal and family-oriented where you may be discovered.

But let's face it - at one point or another, we've probably all been somewhere where we weren't exactly invited. Maybe it was your older sister's closet, your parent's liquor cabinet, or your significant other's phone. Maybe you "crashed" homeroom ten minutes late, your house via your bedroom window after sneaking out, or your living room (with a clear view of the chimney) on Christmas Eve. 

 

  
 

So, instead of judging the Salahis, infamous party crashers (who, by the way, come up first when you Google the term "party crashing"), I've been thinking about what the "rules" of party crashing might be. If there are rules.

 

  

1) Show up late. You want to get there late enough to where you're not walking into an empty room where your lack of invitation is obvious. Plus, the later you are, the more drinks everyone will have had.

2) Do some research. Scope it out. Look it up on Facebook. Ask someone you know is going. Whatever you do, find out about the occasion, the host, and the dress code. You do NOT want to show up to a formal black tie event in jeans.

3) Bring party favors. If you bring a bottle of wine, you won't look like you're there to mooch food and alcohol, and chances are no one will ask questions.

4) Be confident. Walk in the door as though you belong. Mix and mingle and don't act any differently than you would if you were invited.

5) Be polite. Don't get caught sneaking around the master bathroom medicine cabinets or peeking into rooms with closed doors. Enough said.

 

Don't forget about that other breed of party crasher: The Unintentional Party Crasher. You know them, they're the people at your party who came with someone you did invite. 

 

As anybody who's had a wedding or who's planned one for a friend or family member knows, it's all about headcount. Some of your guests get "and guested", meaning they can bring a date, and some don't. When my friends and I get invited to weddings, we always ask one another: "Did you get 'and guest-ed'?" If you do, chances are you and your "guest" are getting pretty serious. That or you are in with that bride.

Anyway, all of this is excruciatingly important for tallying up your guests and therefore your financial damage. But some of your guests just don't regard this "and guest" or lack thereof as important.

A friend of mine received an RSVP card from one of her invitees, who by the way did not get "and guest-ed", and he had actually hand-written six names in addition to his own the line where he was to fill in his name. SIX!

 
 

(Wonder if he ever got "and guested x 7" when he had all those girlfriends?)

He was a high school buddy, and he'd taken it upon himself to invite several of her old peers that she "must've forgotten." These six people were going to cost her several hundred dollars to add to her list (you know, for food and booze and all that other 'per head' stuff they charge you).

I personally think she should have called him and said "Sure, you can bring six people to my wedding. But at $___ amount a head, you can also bring a gift of equal value to that. Times six." 

 Don't be that guy.

Tipping Is Not A City In China

Indulge

And the countdown begins: two weeks to go until Christmas (gulp).  At this point, all anyone has on the brain is SHOPPING. Hostess gifts for the friends of yours throwing Holiday parties, something to take to that White Elephant Exchange at work, something for your kids, your husband, your mother, etc.

But this year, when you're out and about shopping for Holiday gifts for your friends and loved ones, don't forget about passing on that Holiday spirit and generosity on to those people who help you throughout the rest of the year. You know, the ones who deliver your mail and/or deliver your dry cleaning, manicure your nails and/or manicure your lawn, clean your pool and/or clean your house. Even if you're on a budget this year, don't forget that the definition of thrift is economizing at your own expense - so just because you have to be more careful on what you spend for you, doesn't mean you skimp on or skip tipping the people that make your life run more smoothly through the year around the holidays.

 

So who should you tip? And how much do you tip them?

 

First, you should give a holiday tip to people who provide you service frequently and regularly on a daily or weekly basis. Emily Post asserts that between $10-30 is appropriate. This includes:

- postal workers, UPS and FedEx

- Other regular delivery people who bring your laundry, take-out, etc.

- trash collectors

 

 

 

Second, it's nice to tip those people who serve you perhaps less frequently but who you see for longer periods. For these people, it is customary to tip the equivalent of one visit/job:

- Hairstylists

- Manicurists, Facialists, and Massage Therapists

- Personal Trainers 

- Regular Babysitters

- Lawn-care crews, Pool Cleaners

- Pet Grooming Technicians

 

 
 

Third, people who work for you. Emily Post agrees that anyone you employ more than a couple of days a week should get a check typically equivalent to about one week's pay. This includes:

- Nannies

- Housekeepers

- Permanent Caretakers and Home-Care Attendants

 

 

Fourth, tipping people who can be strategically tipped (or should I say strategically bribed). If we must think of ourselves and do something somewhat selfish during the holidays, these kinds of gratuities can make a real difference in your own quality of life. Here, the range of what's appropriate varies greatly:

- Doormen and concierges

- The bartender, wait staff, or maitre d' at your favorite and much-frequented restaurant (see if your table location doesn't improve!)

- Country Club staff (don't be fooled by that idea of a "Secret Holiday Jar" - there are no secrets when it comes to who donated to the fund and who didn't)

 

 

 

Finally, there may be others in your life that make things run more smoothly. Don't forget anybody else that serves you throughout the better part of the year. Think about who helps you, and who you can help (here comes the strategic part) help you later. These people can include:

- Carwash Attendants (my grandfather washes his car atleast once a week - not only are these people his friends, but he notices that they handwash and wipedown his car quickly and efficiently, even when they're busy)

- Dog Walkers 

- Baristas (Go to Starbucks every morning? Have someone there that says "Goodmorning so-and-so, will it be the regular this morning?" Here's a tip: tip them!) My roommate M. and I love ours so much - we get out of bed in the morning as much for the coffee as we do for an early morning conversation with him. He makes our day even before we get to work!

 

 

Here we are with our friends at the Starbucks on the North side of West Gray (there are three on that same corner; it's the Drive-thru!). 

 

Now, that being said, there are in fact other options besides handing over wads of cash if you're really in a spending hiatus this Holiday Season. Emily Post says that if you really can't afford to tip some of the many people who care for you (say, for instance, you felt so generous towards your mail carrier and manicurist that you forgot about your child's busdriver), a small gift with a handwritten note will do. I know people who have baked cookies or roasted nuts and put them in cute gift bags along with a note to hand out to people they might usually tip. A kind, thoughtful handwritten note is key. See, it really is the thought that counts!

 

 

 

 

When generously and graciously tipping the people who make your life run more smoothly from January to December this Holiday Season, just remember the idea of tipping kharma. Be guided by the spirit of gift-giving and generosity! The better you take care of the people who care for you, the better off everybody will be.

 

  

Your Mother-In-Law Called. . .

C:

Your Mother-in-Law called and she's planning a visit, an extended visit - she wants to spend time with her grandchildren over the holiday season.

Now is not the time to live in denial. If you have not spoken to your Mother-in-Law, or parents, or crazy siblings, or whoever it is that makes your palms start to sweat just thinking about them, now is the time to call. It is far better to know the reality of your impending 'situation' than to live in denial only to knock yourself out in the end, again.

So, if you haven't heard from her yet, go ahead, make the call, "Hi, I'm just calling to check in and find out what your plans for the holidays are?" It's as simple as that, kind of.

Every year, year-after-year, the biggest sale we have in the store during the holidays is not to an adoring husband shopping for gifts for his beloved, not to a corporate head honcho looking for 75 of the same expensive, but not too showy business gifts, but to the procrastinator. And, by procrastinator - I mean most of us. That is exactly why I'm writing this blog this week so you can think about it for the next several weeks, laugh at yourself, and then in a few weeks when your back is up against the wall come running into the store frantically screaming, "I need help! I need help! Could someone please help me!" Now, J. and I are very familiar with this ritualistic seasonal holiday behavior, but I've got to tell you - it scares the new girls. It actually freaks them out a little to see our sweet, lovely customers get so completely unglued. And, if you think it doesn't show, or that no one notices, quit fooling yourself - we are no amateurs. The mother-in-law called and apparently she's planning to stay awhile mania has been a phenomenon in our store for years. The holiday anxiety syndrome blows into town every year right around the time the shopping centers start to blast that endless drone of holiday cheer that they think their customers want to hear 6 weeks before Christmas.

The reality is - she, or he, or they, and possibly their children and pets are about to descend on you and your nice, quiet home.

So, lets get started. Let's focus on the Mother-in-Law. They tend to have the strongest voice and the longest memories. Let's make it super special for her so when she goes back home she can confess to her friends, "Although, in the past, it hasn't always been ideal, this year everything was perfect - my daughter-in-law just thought of everything, sigh."

Practice Makes Perfect: Start eating together, as a family, at the dinner table again. Mother-in-Laws do not understand that today's children are too busy to eat dinner at the dinner table. Have your children practice their manners and see if they are capable of these three things: Having a conversation without arguing. Not sitting on their feet. And, not playing a video game under the table. All three things - simultaneously, for at least thirty minutes. This exercise will probably take several attempts and produce tears, plenty of tears.

Car Service: First impressions can be everything. Wash your car. For some reason, she will assume that if your car is clean and organized, than your home will be clean and organized, and just to compound this theory - than your life will be organized. And, not to make it too much about her, but her stay will be organized.

The Bar: In case your Mother-in-Law has a crooked elbow, or she's just stressed out from her day of traveling, make sure you have plenty of whatever it is that calms her nerves - because her nerves are precious to you and you are anxious to make sure that they are calmed at all times - white wine, red wine, vodka, scotch, bourbon. . . .  And, think to leave her fancy out where she can pour herself another without having to disturb you because, after all, she's on holiday and who's counting?

 My Stocked Bar in Squeaky Cabinet:

The Guest Room:  Make sure the bed is comfortable and presentable. We've all the heard the expression, 'Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, grumpy.' Nice sheets, comfortable pillows, warm blanket - simple as that. Do you ever wake up in a hotel grumpy, no? That formula works! A cozy throw for nap time. Plenty of hangers. Clear out your junk in the drawers and closets - she surely doesn't need to know how much you spend on clothes you will never wear again because you forgot that you were storing them in the guest room. Perhaps, a good book and a carafe of water set on a bedside table for the middle of the night awakenings. Bonus Points Awarded: Charme picture of her and her grandchildren prominently on display, front and center in a pretty frame - something that might even go with the decor in her house when you tell her to keep it at the end of the visit if it goes well - Double Bonus Points Awarded!!

Pretty Lilac Sferra Throw and Sferra Hand Embroidered Francesca Sheets:

Be prepared - after a good night's sleep on these sheets, she'll be kissing you good morning.

Juliska Bedside Carafe and Not-Exactly-Real Violet:

The Guest Bath: A stack of fresh towels (not the ones you dry the dog with!) in varying sizes. A new bar of soap at the sink and in the shower! Do not leave the used ones in there from your last guest, uchck. Maybe a fragranced candle. Perhaps a pretty vase with some flowers. And, of course, a room fragrance near the throne for embarrassing issues we just don't talk about. Some supplies - Q-tips, cotton balls, an extra roll of toilet paper, shampoo, body lotion, a nail file. Bonus Points Awarded: Simply ask her if she prefers floral or non-florals scents for her bath products. It doesn't hurt anyone to have her think before she steps foot on the plane that someone cares. Try to keep bath products, candle and roomspray consistent within one fragrance, we don't want to upset her delicate sensibilities with too many scents - after all, we're not picking out car freshener.

Charming Cote Bastide Bathroom Accessories, Not-Exactly-Real Paperwhite and Elizabeth W. Lavender Bath Products:

 

  Note: Lavender is also soothing and relaxing, perhaps you should buy some for your bathroom also - your Mother-In-Law has not cornered the market on nerves.

  

Fridge: My sister-in-law always stocks her fridge with whatever my parents eat for breakfast and mid-day snacks. Several days before the visit, she double checks with them that those items are still their favorites and if there is anything else they would like to nibble on during their stay. Bonus Points Awarded: Keep your guests full. A full stomach is a happy stomach (My sister-in-law happens to know that my mother has enjoyed a bowl of Quaker oatmeal every morning of her precious life for the last ?? years so she makes sure that she has plenty on hand.) Plus, don't make your guests go to the grocery store with you, nobody actually wants to go to the grocery store.

Something to Do: Plan out your meals ahead of time - which ones you'll eat at home and which restaurants you would like to dine out at. Have your reservations all made in advance and be sure to request a quiet table. Try a museum, or a fun family movie, shopping (But not for you, for her. Mother-in-Laws typically do not like to see their daughter-in-law's extravagances. You can call the store from your cell phone and put the item on hold later.)

Well, that's enough for now.  Mull it over for a few weeks and we'll see you at the store a few days before she arrives!

Insider Tip From an Actual Honest to Goodness Feared Mother-in-Law: Like any true journalist, I am not a liberty to reveal my sources, but I went over my list of suggestions with a known M-I-L and she just smiled and nodded in approval. She even went as far as to say that it sounds like it would be a lovely time, but she had not heard from her daughter-in-law yet!  See, make the call!!!

 

The Perfect Hostess Gifts

 

Hostess Gifts are not like wedding gifts – you don’t have a year!

 

So, you ran out of time before you left for the trip.

You were overwhelmed by the idea of buying the perfect gift for the hostess who seems to have everything. You thought you would just pick something up when you got back, ha.

  Well, now you’ve been home a few weeks, school has begun, and you still haven’t bought that gift.

-  A great, fun group photo - not of yourselves - in a good looking frame that matches the home's decor. I love these brassy, antique-y looking ones from France that we sell at our Blvd. location. Did I mention how reasonably priced they are?  $42 for the square size (4" x 4" photo) and $48 for the rectangular one (4" x 6").

    

-  If you are the least bit photogenic and not in a bikini or otherwise compromising situation -  A Photo Book  - shutterfly.com - is so clever. Should provide hours of good laughs in future viewings. Make sure there are plenty of really good pictures of the hostess to insure invite back.

-  A soft, comfy throw in the color scheme of the guest room or den. I love all the throws by Sferra, the Celine ($70), the Bristol ($150), and if the visit was completely over-the-top, the cashmere Dorsey ($400). We try to stock all styles in all colors at the stores. Very popular, year round!

 

   

-  A serving piece out of the hostess’ tableware.  Shown below is the Juliska ceramic dinnerware (we sell a TON of this in the store too) and Arte Italica - pewter goes with almost anything.

 

-  A fun DVD collection of favorite movies - classics or just released! I love 'How To Steal A Million', with Audrey Hepburn for her Givenchy ensembles, 'Priceless' with Audrey Tatou for her Chanel and Louis Vuitton ensembles, 'The Thomas Crown Affair' for Rene Russo's Michael Kors' ensembles, and, of course, anything Agathe Christie (no fashion there, ha.)  Who doesn't love a good Who-Dunnit amongst friends while staying at a completely isolated locale, shivers. BBC and A&E sell some of their best loved miniseries online.

 

 

 

 

-  A Juliska Vase (the mini trio set is one of our bestselling gifts and one of my personal favorite gifts to give! Makes me want to accidentally drop a few of my old vases, they're so wonderful!)

 

And, it should go without saying - anything that you, your husband, children, or dog might have broken, soiled, stained, ripped, or ruined - cherished or not so cherished - should be replaced immediately with same not like replacements.

Note: You really don't have up to a year to buy a wedding gift - Can you say "rationalized"?